just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
