I wish i was in the wii world.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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