His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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