I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize