Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
