Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
