Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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