he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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