Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
