You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
