Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
