Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
