lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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