i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
