You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
