I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
FUCK WHALES
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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