That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize