You can't special order awesome
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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