Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize