I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dicks are not precious.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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