When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
