i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Couch. On fire.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
