do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
