Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
