Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
