I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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