So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
COCAINE IS GR8
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
