I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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