I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
