you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
