I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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