I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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