Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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