Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
