Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was confusing and full of hummus
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
