and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
