I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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