she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize