At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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