Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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