You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
