i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
