Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
