I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
