Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize