i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
