so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
