Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
