And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize