She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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