She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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