I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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