I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
