dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize