I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
