never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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