A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
