A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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