he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
