Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
