i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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