i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
