I will die if light touches me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
