I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
