i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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