i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
