He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize