i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
