are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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