Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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