I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
