Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize